A Wikileaks Memo You Missed

EXECUTIVE OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENT

November 17, 1973

COUNTER TO THE CHINESE THREAT

FROM: Henry Kissinger, US National Security Advisor

CC: Fred Turner, Chairman of McDonald's Corporation

SUBJECT: Foreign Policy, Commerce

• It is thought to be in the interest of the West to find some means to counter the threat of the collective weight of the people of China
• Should the people of China by common effort endeavor to jump at the same time the planet's orbit will be disrupted.
• If this should happen, the planet might spiral outwards in the solar system and possibly collide with the moon.
• To prevent this, a fattening of the general populace of the West is suggested.
• This populace, though less numerous, would act as a counterweight to that of China in the event of an orchestrated jump.
• This policy utilizes the uneven distribution of food and has the added benefit of aiding US commercial interests abroad.
• The fast food chain McDonald's newly opened European branch has been marshalled to this effort.

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(Source: none. This is an imaginary memo.)