Sleep Talkin' Man

I've promised everyone I would post a link to this blog without following up, so now it's time to deliver the goods.

A lady in England, Karen, married her childhood sweetheart, Adam, only to discover that Adam was quite talkative in his sleep. Not only that, he seems to be most creative in his sleep as well. So she started recording his sayings and posting them on the web at the following address:

http://www.sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

Now, before I post my favourite quotes, there are a couple of things you should know about Adam. Firstly, Adam watches lots and lots of nature shows on TV. Secondly, Adam sleeps soundly and wakes abruptly without properly transitional phases in-between and, finally, he is not like that when he's awake...

After a painful process of elimination, I have found that my favourite quotes are as follows:

"Badger tickling... proceed with caution"

"Buttcheeks ahoy! Thar she blows! Yeah, you can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. My boat - my rules"

"Really? If you can pee that high, DEFINITELY join the fire brigade. Yah."

"Oh, don't worry, dear. The spot doesn't make you ugly. No no no. The rest of your face, now THAT makes you ugly. The spot's just a highlight."

"I made this picture using pasta... Fuck you, it IS artistic!"

"Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of. You dirty fucker."

"The stain, the stain. How am I going to explain that fucking stain?... Oh bollocks."

"My badger's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!"

and finally:

""You can stop clapping now if you want. Really. You'll need your energy for
cheering me later. Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh."

[yelled upon waking] "COCK HUNTER!"

Karen's note: This was all early in the morning. The
batteries had run out on the recorder, so it was like the old days, I was
furiously typing, trying to keep up. I'm pretty sure that's the "clapping" that
Adam was referring to. So, meanwhile, I'm still typing my brains out, and he's
going "Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhh."

Also, just after he shouted "COCK HUNTER"
and woke up, he looked at me with fear in his eyes and said, "um, did I just
shout cock hunter?" It's been worrying him ever since."